The Amazing Orchanté

 

The Amazing ORCHANTÉ Saga – 9^th May, 2002

 

S-P-E-C-I-A-L   E-D-I-T-I-O-N

 

- REVIEW -

 

50 GREATEST MAGIC TRICKS, AS SHOWN ON U.K. TELEVISION,

 

CHANNEL FOUR, 6^TH MAY 2002.

 

 Before I get started, let me state from the outset that I don’t, and won’t, pull any punches! I’m going to be, BRUTALLY HONEST; GIVE CREDIT WHERE CREDIT’S DUE AND, IF I THINK ‘IT’S CRAP’, I WILL SAY SO! Ifyou didn’t know before, I’ll tell you now; I’m a New Zealander, and we Kiwis are renowned for our straight-forward, down to earth honesty – and if you don’t like it, TOUGH!

 

 Let me get this ‘little’ niggle out of the way right now. The London Magic Circle has upset me terribly – yet again! They sent out a circular which was published in last week’s ‘Magic e-Zine’, naming everyone except myself! It cost me a few pennies it did, phoning Alan Watson in Auckland, New Zealand, to confirm to him, that I, with a contract in my hot little hand, and a cheque in the bank, already cleared, actually was on the Television programme! If the Magic Circle were to come to me on bended knees, begging me to become a ‘Gold’ member of the Inner Circle, etc. etc., it would give me the greatest of pleasure to tell them to stick it ‘WHERE THE SUN DON’T SHINE’. I have a vague feeling, THAT particular pleasure won’t be forthcoming! I’ll get over it, about as quick as the Pendragons do their switch in the substitution trunk – 2 seconds!

 

 

 

TheRadio Times 4 – 10 May 2002, columnist Jane Rackham, among other things said “Presented by Adam and Joe (although you’ll soon be wishing that they vanish in a puff of smoke)” etc. After watching the show, I totally agree with her sentiments. These two idiotic ‘clowns’ – and I use that term advisedly, and their amateurish and childish behaviour, were the cause of many people switching channels prematurely. I know this because I had asked several friends and neighbours to watch the show, and give me an unbiased opinion today. Fortunately a few sat through the excruciating shenanigans of these two ‘WANKERS’, whose air-time would have allowed the complete Richard Ross Linking Ring routine (And others) to have been shown; could have been called “60 Greatest Magic Tricks”.

 

 

 

The magicians were shown from number fifty, down.

 

 

 

50 – Franz Harary– ‘Vanishing a Space Shuttle’ (1994). Not bad, but what happened to David Copperfield’s famous Lear Jet, which blew the world, and magicians away! 

 

49 – Juan Taramiz(1996) Performed a brilliant Card routine – ‘Four Blue Cards’ shown and counted hand to hand, face down –with each consequent count, the cards, all spot cards, turned one at a time, face up. Then one by one they became four Jacks – one became a Joker, and on next count, all the backs became different from each other. 

 

48 – Shahid and Lisa Malik‘Cardboard Box illusion’ (1991) With Assistant in box, sticks are thrust through, at as a great rate of knots. Very good, but not up to the standard of Hans and Helga Moretti, the best version of all, where assistants from the audience put swords through the box, and at the finale Hans emerges, in a totally different costume, with a live hen on his head, and God knows what else. 

 

47 – Guy Hollingworth – Signed, ‘Torn and Restored Card’ (1997) Excellent. Ali Bongo summed up his presentation perfectly when he said, “He has great finesse – he’s a gentleman performing magic, as in Victorian times”. Beautifully spoken English, I was so very impressed. Please tell him not to hold his left hand in such a tight fist at the finish. 

 

46 – Harry Blackstone Jnr.‘Vanishing Bird Cage’ (1997), Made famous by his father; brilliant. Kids loved it. Me too! 

 

45 – Mark Mottram – ‘Thumb Tie’ (2000) “WHAT UTTER CRAP!”  

 

44 – Penn and Teller –‘Truck Trick’ (1991) Where Teller is run over by a Truck. Very good, but not their best. Nicholas Parsons, amateur magician, made pathetic and amateur statements; especially when he said that: “THEY ‘SHOULD BE CRUCIFIED BY THE MAGIC CIRCLE”. For God’s sake – it was a one-off trick, invented by Penn and Teller, never to be performed again – a throw -away! No wonder he’s only an amateur. What a sad man! 

 

43 – Meir Yehid– ‘Finger Fantasies’ (1985) Fantastic! Left me feeling very disjointed! 

 

42 – Derren Brown– Made a train passenger forget what stop he was getting off, and then, the poor sod actually missed getting off at his stop! It was a pity that they didn’t show the beginning, before they actually started to film the sequence. As a professional hypnotist for many years, it was obvious to me that he was using what I term ‘waking hypnosis’. 

 

41 – Melinda Saxe– ‘The Drill of Death’ (1999). Apparently pierced by giant revolving screw. Absolute crap! A corpse would have shown more animation than she did –the noises she did make sounded more like sexual climaxes, and even then, her face remained frozen in a ‘deadpan’ expression!  

 

40 – Paul Zenon– ‘Snooker Card trick’ (2000). A version of the card stabbing, using Billiard balls. Good but not GREAT -should not have been counted as one of the best Magic Tricks in the World. 

 

39 – ‘Spoon Bending’– Began by showing The Amazing Jonathan doing same – I love this guy – then Uri Geller – I raced for the toilet, and lost my dinner – spewed up. I got back just in time to see Ian Roland, who made Geller look like a fake – what a bullshit artist he is! Intelligent man, that Ian Roland – I’d like to meet him. 

 

38 – Stevie Starr– ‘Regurgitator’ (1992). Here, they showed him swallowing Goldfish, and bringing them up again totally unharmed. It was a pity they didn’t show more of him instead of the two ‘clowns’ who took up so much time. He is absolutely fantastic! I know, as we have worked together many times. In his show he really blows his audience away! 

 

37 – Fay Presto– ‘Bottle through a table’ (1996). Smutty presentation. One of the spectators summed it up for me when she said: “It’s gone already”, obviously referring to the bottle that was about to apparently penetrate the table. I cannot believe that this presentation was rated one of the best of the 50 Greatest Magic Tricks. The Magic Circle’s choice? 

 

36 – Lance Burton–‘Osmosis illusion’ (1997). He should have been among the top ten – say, number 2 or 3. Amazing illusion, performed by the total, consummate professional! How dare they place him at only 36! 

 

35 – Robert Gallup– ‘Straight Jacket Escape’ Performed in Melbourne, Australia. (2000). Very impressive! Suspended at 1000 feet up. Supporting rope set on fire – had 2 minutes 20 seconds in which to escape. I was very disappointed by the fake straight jacket. Houdini’s used the real thing, 90 years ago! 

 

34 – James Hydrick– (1980). Turned pages of a telephone book etc., by a mere wave of his hand, apparently. I find it difficult to believe that magicians, as well as so-called ‘experts’, were fooled by this ‘dip-stick’. I, and I’ll bet, so have thousands of other magicians, been making cigarettes and matches roll across tables for years – two at a time. Mind you, I did have two functioning lungs at the time. They finally caught him out as a fake. Amazed it took so long. 

 

33 – Penn and Teller – ‘Snake Trick’ (1991). Performed a la ‘Cut and Restored Rope’ – you know, extra loop – blood and meat everywhere – I just love these guys!!!

 

 32 – Paul Daniels– ‘Electric Chairs’ (1989) Very good – first to present this ‘shocking’ bit of fun. 

 

31 – Geoffrey Durham – alias The Great Suprendo(1976 – 88) ‘Torn and restored newspaper’. Quite simply, I think Geoffrey is brilliant. I would have a lot more respect for English magicians, if they were all up to his high standard! 

 

30 – David Berglas – ‘The table’ (1981), eight people seated around a table, their fingertips just touching the top. On standing up, the table moves up with them – apparently held by some sort of ‘strange force’. Moving, swaying from side to side or running around in a circle, the table continues to stick to their fingertips – then suddenly, the table drops to the floor! I HOLD THE GREATEST RESPECT FOR DAVID BERGLAS – A GENTLEMAN AND, A TOTAL PROFESSIONAL. THE MAGIC CIRCLE’S ONLY SAVING GRACE! 

 

29 – Amazing Jonathan– ‘Skewer through tongue’ (2001) I could watch this very funny magician all day – and night – and day ad finitum.

 

28 – Tommy Cooper–‘Multiplying Bottles’ (1967). A legend, forever! Geoffrey Durham said it perfectly “He was a great magician, pretending to be a crap magician, who actually was, a great magician”. 

 

27 – Paul Zenon- ‘Tax Disc Trick’ (2000). Apparently pulled a Tax Disc through the car window screen. Very clever, but what happened to the Tax Disc holder? It vanished too – another mystery. Very good, Paul  

 

26 – Derren Brown- again – ‘Mind reading’ effect, with a painting. Reminded me of some of David Berglas’s effects. 

 

25 – Paul Daniels ‘Disappearing Television camera trick’ (1984). Absolutely brilliant! Haven’t got a clue how it was worked, but then it is difficult to make a judgement without seeing the whole presentation. 

 

24 – Amazing Jonathan– Knife cutting into Arm illusion (1996). Pure magical comedy. Give me more, more, and even more. 

 

23 – David Berglas – ‘Stopping the Pulse – in Both Arms’ (1996). A brilliant showman/magician/entertainer. A mind – blowing presentation. Magic at its very best! I ‘performed’ this stunt years ago in my doctor surgery. He immediately asked me to ‘do it again’ and brought in two other doctors to ‘see’ it. “YOU SHOULD BEDEAD!” – He said.

 

 

22- Siegfried and Roy–‘Interlude’ (1994) (From the Magic, the Mystery, Feld Productions Inc.) ‘Spider Woman’ penetrates through the body of Roy then, a tiger that appears from nowhere, leaps through his body as well! Great stuff. Well, would you expect anything less? Of course not! 

 

21 – Simon Drake– ‘Sword Illusion’ (1990). Apparently pushing several swords and daggers into, and through, his body. Naah! He’s done better! 

 

20 - Ishamuddin – ‘Indian Rope Trick’ (1999) filmed out of doors and, with no buildings in the vicinity. Rope rose straight up into the air to a height of approximately 20 ft – then a boy climbed only a very short distance up before being ordered down again. It was an amazing sight and I guess that all those who saw it, will have their own theories on how it was performed. My suspicions were aroused right from the beginning when the magician fed a short piece of rope into the basket that somehow became 20 ft long – two ropes? The other clue I came up with, regarding methodology, was that at the finish, the top of the very thick rope began collapsing first, followed by the rest of the rope; it was as if some sort of support was being pulled rapidly out from the central core of the rope. You’d have to see it for yourself. Very impressive!  

 

19 – Derren Brown- yet again (he must have shares in the Magic Circle)! The following statement came from one of my neighbours! “Now it’s getting boring! Same sort of thing, just a different scenario – some sort of hypnotism bullshit!” 

 

18 – Robert Gallup – ‘Death Dive’ (1996) handcuffed, shackled and the locked into a mailbag – then locked inside a eight ft-square cage which contains a parachute. At 18,000 feet the whole lot is shoved out the back of a Transporter Aircraft the idea being to escape, and, put on the parachute before you put a huge dent into Mother Earth! Various amateur magicians were giving comments during this performance, all along the lines of ‘What if…’ – C’mon, fellas, if there WERE a ‘What If’, no silly bugger would do it! I’ve never heard of anyone accidentally ‘killing themselves’ in an escape stunt, but I stand to be corrected! Let’s face it – WHOSE Handcuffs, Shackles, Chains, and Cage! – FORCHRISSAKE, WAKE UP! 

 

 

 

17 – The Amazing Orchanté – ‘String Thing’ (‘Psychic Surgery’) “The Last Resort” (1987) Seeing that this is about myself, to avoid any sort of back-lash, I shall write, word for word, the comments that were made before, during and after my 2 minute, 20 second performance. (Those two idiotic ‘clowns’ Adam and Joe got more air-time than anybody else). PAUL MORLEY, Journalist and Magician said, “I remember it VIVIDLY! I remember it happening! The unfortunate thing is, it is SO vivid, that it DOES stay with you!”JENNY ECLAIR – comedienne, said, “It was one of those, what we call nowadays, ‘water cooler moments’, where everyone the next day says ‘Did you see it – did you see it?’” PAUL MORLEYagain, said, “It is excruciating, but, but, but in that sense, it is fantastic television.” During my performance he again quoted, “I quite like the moment when he swallows the string, and everyone thinks that’s the trick. The audience sort of applauds, thinking, ‘That’s quite a good trick’.” (Hate to tell ya mate – it ain’t no trick) 

 

During the segment where the string is being pulled out from my stomach by members of the audience, PAULMORLEY comments – “I’m with some of the people in the audience, I mean, how some of those people manage to touch that string and pull it out, because the way it pulls on the skin – you don’t want that in your life, because you’re going to carry it with you, FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!” JEREMY DYSON, comedian and amateur magician, said, “How are you doing that? What have you done? Have you gone in there a week before, and made an incision – and surgically put it in there” (No, mate. I’ve performed my ‘String Thing’ three times a night countless times!), “or are you really doing it, which is even worse?” REECE SHEARSMITH, comedian and amateur magician, immediately said “Don’t do that – you’re going to get peritonitis, and die, if you keep doing that!” At the conclusion of my ‘String Thing’, PAUL MORLEY quipped “I like the very last bit of it, just as he pulls it all out and it REALLY hurts him” (I’m a ‘good’ actor) “and you think ‘Bloody Good’ – it should hurt you – DON’T DO IT AGAIN!”

 

 16 – Siegfried and Roy – ‘Vanishing and Appearing Elephant’ (1994). I can do no better than to quote Ali Bongo’s comment, “ABSOLUTELY STAGGERING”.

 

 15 – Simon Drake – ‘Guillotine’ (1992). Apparently he only performed this once – he was taken to hospital with three cracked ribs immediately after this performance. EXCELLENT – LOOKED REAL – GOOD MAGIC!

 

 14 – Lance Burton – in my opinion, The Greatest Magician in the World Today! ‘Escape from Roller-Coaster Track’ (1999) He managed to escape from the track TWO SECONDS before the Roller-coaster, which was going at a great rate of knots, would have hit him. At the conclusion, he said “STUPID! THAT WAS REALLY STUPID!” I really DO believe that he was within seconds of being killed! It was the first time, in a long time – I’ve been on the edge of my seat! Then again, he could be a really great actor; well he convinced me.

 

 13 – Harry Blackstone Jnr. ‘Floating Light Bulb’ (1977) THIS IS MAGIC! MICHAEL BAILEY, President of the Magic Circle, commented, “As near to a miracle as you can ever get” GAY BLACKSTONE former Assistant and Widow, said “Oh – I think the Floating Light Bulb is the greatest trick, because, it is the purest trick!”

 

 12 – David Blane ‘Card Revelation’ – Forced card shuffled into deck, and then thrown at a café window –same card apparently stuck to inside of glass. I cannot believe that this is at number 12, or even on the ‘best of 50’ list. What an insult to sleight of hand purists, and card experts! Just who the bloody hell in the Magic Circle had the intelligence – or lack of – to include this?

 

 11 – Penn and Teller ‘The Magic Bullet’ (1996) A Double ‘catching a bullet in the mouth’, trick. BRILLIANT! Haven’t got a clue. Fantastic, guys.

 

 10 – Hans and Helga Moretti ‘The Crossbow’ (1995) William Tell, eat your heart out! Whoever decided which were the 50 greatest tricks, should have been shot! If they had any brains, they would also have included Hans and Helga’s ‘Swords through Box’, instead of ‘Shahid Malik’s as the Moretti’s is, without a doubt, the ultimate version.

 

 9 – Richard Ross ‘Linking Rings’ (1983) FANTASTIC! THE BEST EVER! I remember when he appeared on the scene with his version of the Rings – not only blew audiences away, but also the Magicians! Just three rings – PURE MAGIC! They should have shown his full routine. Unfortunately, the ‘powers to be’ thought that Adam and Joe were far better than anyone else on this TV programme, and deserved far more air time – they sure as hell got it!

 

 8 – Paul Daniels ‘Chop Cup’ (1985) Very slick and entertaining. However to a purist, such as myself, I can’t be done with trick cups and magnets. Only pure sleight of hand will do, and I think it is an absolute insult to the memory of Dai Vernon that his version of the ‘real cups and balls’ – described as the finest routine ever evolved – wasn’t shown instead -especially if the Magic Circle had a hand in it. The next best would be, without a doubt, Ricky Jay’s routine. A commentator said “I don’t think anyone performs it better than Paul Daniels”. I totally agree, if he is talking ONLY about the Chop Cup!

 

 7 – Tom Mullica ‘Smoking Trick’ (1996) Sheer brilliance, coupled with belly-aching comedy, and wonderful sleight of hand. I could, and have, watched this guy all night. Another performance that should have been shown in its entirety!

 

 6 – David Copperfield ‘Flying’ (1995) ‘YOU WILL BELIEVE A MAN CAN FLY’ says it all.

 

 5 – Robert Harbin ‘Zigzag Lady’ (1965) One of the greatest modern illusions! Geoffrey Durham summed up the man perfectly, when he said, “he had an extraordinarily brilliant magical brain, and his tricks have been copied, duplicated, and done by every other magician since, but his first version is the best”.

 

 4 – Lance Burton ‘Doves’ (1982). This man, this magician, this entertainer is total perfection – in every facet of our art. THE BEST THERE IS!!

 

 3 – The Pendragons ‘Metamorphosis’. The substitution trunk, performed in under 2 seconds” Great – but where’s the entertainment value? Looking at a ‘bird’ with huge muscular legs, who shaves within an inch of her life! What the hell are they doing at number three? Jonathan Pendragon said the word himself “ARROGANT” (So did my neighbours)

 

 2 – David Blaine – again. ‘Levitation’ At Number Two? Dear God! I’m puking up bile – my dinner went ages ago. I cannot believe they have shown this – especially after the exposé on ‘Secrets Of Street Magicians Finally Revealed’ showing how it was done, including the camera tricks – which is exactly what was shown here. I am utterly disgusted.

 

 1 – David Copperfield - ‘Death Saw’ (1995). A brilliant illusion and presentation. What spoiled it for me was – he got into a ‘box affair’ and was temporally hidden from sight – tons of time for the ‘dirty work’! Same thing happened at the close. I much prefer the old buzz -saw version that was developed by Harry Blackstone, where the ‘body’ is in full view at all times. Harry Blackstone Jnr. performed his Fathers version as well. The AmazingMrROOKLYN from Australia (now deceased) had a similar version as well – which I used and presented for many months at ‘The Magic Village’ (now long gone) in Sydney, so I do know what I’m talking about!

 

 So there it is! Hard-hitting, you bet ya! Truthful? You better believe it! Remember, my comments were, in part, derived from friends and neighbours (the ones who managed to sit through the stupid, childish and totally unnecessary antics of Adam Buxton and Joe Cornish), your normal, average, everyday people, the ones who, hopefully, come to see you perform and watch you on T.V. and, whose opinion is more important than anyone else’s! If you don’t like what I’ve written, blame them!